Hash it out or go home (Damien)

[Azrae Sevar]

For days after sensing Damien's return Azrae had been avoiding the coven grounds, hiding in her little condo and fighting with Romal over the stupid mess that was the deal with V. Now she was taking it up a notch, spiking her anxiety and setting foot outside of the city towards the coven. She needed to get this over with because the guilt and the anxiety were killing her, making her edgy. And she simply just wanted to get it over with, she had never been a coward and all the secrets and mistrust were eating at her every second of every day. For once she manned up and went to seek the help of the only person she should have gone to from the get-go. The manor was quiet as she moved up the steps, apprehensive an alert to all of the sounds, the old groans and creaks of a house that had seen too much and had sadness etched into its framework.

It had been a long time since she'd crept up the stairs, down the hall and stood before the intimidating door that led to the quarters once shared with Damien. Her mouth went dry and before she could talk herself out of facing the facts, she rapped on the door; waiting until she couldn't bear it anymore and simply let herself in. "Damien?" Seeing Damien again had her trembling from head to toe with nerves, high on adrenaline spikes coming and going in short bursts and intervals. Just when she thought she had it under control another tremor spiked up and contracted her muscles, preparing for the age old fight over flight dilemma. It didn't appear that anyone was inside, but just in case, she left the door open. As she approached the bed, she ran her fingers over the comforter; remembering happier days.

[Damien Sevar]

Since his return, the sentry had not taken to his normal watch at the top of the Estate or within the City Limits. He had gone to his bedroom once but could not take the burden of staying in there. The truth was, he had no reason to stay in there. He had not needed sleep and typically his sleep was either dreamless or haunted with images of things that he could not prevent from happening. It was the course of all things and it made him feel as though he were alive again. This was not true. He had died when he was reborn and, so far, nothing was telling him otherwise. Damien had taken to wondering around the grounds and to a quiet part of the city where a home had once stood; strong and resilient against all odds at one time. Now the building was practically demolished; the bones of the home were showing. He had walked through the building, touching the remaining walls and the ground that he had once roamed. Memories flooded his mind followed by the haunted screams that he was not able to stop.

Damien lingered in this area for days before returning back to the Estate as there was nothing further he could do. As he made his way into the grand building there was a particular scent in the air. He tried to shake it out of his mind as he had not sought out this woman but she was here now. Slowly, quietly, he moved up the stairs as the smell of her became stronger until it lead him to their old quarters. He stood in the doorway, daring not to enter but only to observe her as she hovered over what had been their bed. "Nothing has changed in here.." His deep voice sounded through the unnerving silence as he announced his presence behind her.

[Azrae Sevar]

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, veiled only by the length of her black and unruly hair. She'd never gone back to the house in the woods after seeing it for the first time, it had been as if Damien was telling her not to come back; and so she hadn't. She'd stayed away and avoided everyone and everything save for Romal. Even Sauri hadn't been aware of her presence, perhaps not at first but there was no way she didn't know Azrae was around; she hadn't been quiet about her presence. So caught up was she in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard him approaching behind her, then again he had always been very quiet and nearly invisible when he wanted to be. It had taken her some time to learn his patterns, the way his face shifted subtly when he was in deep thought; only given away by the contracting of his pupils.

When Damien spoke, Azrae whirled around after nearly jumping out her skin from the boom of his voice breaking the unnerving silence. Her hand snatched away from the comforter, suddenly feeling like she had intruded on something she shouldn't have. There seemed to be a bit of nostalgia in his voice, but there was also something different about him. Did he feel as dead as she did most days, only feeling barely alive when she thought of him? Probably not, for all she knew, Damien had moved on. Azrae looked back at the room over her shoulder and shook her head, "no, it hasn't. The only difference is that its empty now."

She looked back at him, letting her hands hang at her sides; at a loss of what she should do now. "I probably shouldn't be here." It was easy to tell she was regretting coming in here, that she was panicking and getting ready to bolt before he threw her out.

[Damien Sevar]

He watched her silently as she turned around to see him. The sudden movement sending a wind with her scent through the air in his direction; his sharp intake of her made his nostrils flare and his eyes close for a second. Foreboding eyes took care to notice that she was practically vibrating with the need to run away from him. It made the predatory instinct within him to give chase creep it's way to the surface. Hopefully she would not run, he wished not to turn this meeting into an uncontrolled hunt that he could not fully help. His time away from her had made his control over certain instincts waver and being in her presence now would not allow the grip he had on himself to strengthen. It would take time and patience. Damien's own control would have been evident in the sudden rigidness of his body and the change in his eyes.

"You are as welcome to be in this room as I am; however, I am going to ask you not to make any sudden movements as I do not wish to do something that I have no control of and will regret." The warning came at a slow and measured pace from his lips as he looked at her. It was not meant as a challenged and knowing their past together she could have taken it as one and done exactly what he wished for her not to do. "I will not stop you from leaving but if you are going to leave do so after you have calmed yourself.."

[Azrae Sevar]

Predator sensing predator, Azrae held perfectly still as another spike of adrenaline shot through her, this time at Damien's sudden stillness. She recognized this posture from back in the day and knew that it would be stupid to run away from him. Whatever may have happened, her instincts and his were still as sharp as ever and they knew how to do this dance once upon a time. Damien’s warning only confirmed what her instincts had already picked up on and she let out a slow breath, moving back slowly and taking a seat at the edge of the bed; relieved that he wasn’t yelling or brewing with anger for once upon seeing her.

“If you’re not kicking me out immediately then I’d like to have some words with you.” It all sounded so formal to her ears, strange and dreamlike; as if they weren’t necessarily speaking to one another. Perhaps they were both just being cautious, a lot of damage had been done and lessons had to be learned the hard way, especially with how stubborn she was known to be.

Nervously she tucked some strands of hair behind an ear and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly to calm herself and make this easier for him. There would be time for him to grow angry with her, and she was right. He had definitely changed, but couldn’t tell if it was for better or for worse. “I didn’t think you’d be this… reasonable to see me. Not after I saw what happened to the house.” Looking up from her hands, Azrae’s glowing blue eyes settled on Damien; they were all too-human again. “Are you just going to stand there? This is your room too.”

[Damien Sevar]

For now he stood right where he was in the doorway, not daring to take a step towards her as he grasped at the control he still had. Damien nodded his head when she said she would like to speak with him. It was expected, he knew they were not going to run in to each others arms like the fairy tales boasted and pronounced their love for each other. This was real, this was life; this was the way things typically went with them. They screamed, they yelled, they spoke, they accused, everything couples did and shouldn't do in their relationship. This time he was trying to change the way things had worked in the past. The fighting got them no where so perhaps talking would. It was difficult for him to admit when he had done wrong, humility was not one of his finer points and he knew this would take some getting used too. "The house was the only thing to see my wrath. No one came in harms way that did not otherwise deserve it but it had no reflection on what was between us.."

Cautiously he took a step into the room. It was not anger that kept him rooted to his spot but fear he would cause her more harm than what had been done so far. Physical wounds healed but emotional ones merely scared over and were easy to open again under the right circumstances. This moment was certainly one of them. "What is it you wish to speak about Azrae?"

[Azrae Sevar]

Still remembering that he had asked for no sudden movements kept Azrae sitting at the edge of the bed, the hammering of her heart slowing down little by little as she strained to calm down but in the face of everything she had to tell him; she knew that there was bound to be a little blood spilled. Physically or metaphorically speaking had yet to be determined. Still, she was relieved that whatever anger had been lashed out at their home wasn’t how he felt about her, although that could change. They’d done a lot of damage to one another in the past, one out of vengeance and the other out of anger. His willingness to talk was a step forward, for however short or long the road ahead was.

As soon as the words left his mouth she felt the pain and anguish wash over her all over again. Why hadn’t she ever trusted this man to help her when she needed it? Sucking in a breath to keep from crying; the words tumbled out unbidden. “I’m lost. I need your help, I’m sorry for punishing you by leaving and taking Micah with me. I never should have done that and now because of me he’s... I don’t know where Micah is. I know that maybe a part of you hates me but I can’t keep doing this to you, I’ve run out of anger and steam.”

[Damien Sevar]

He watched her sort through her words carefully, selecting the best way to go about this 'talk' she wished to have with him. He was relieved that she had wanted to speak with him rather than run away like her body had been twitching to do so only moments before. Her breath, although shaky, allowed him to move further into the room as she gained control of her flight response and he the need to hunt her. "You and I both know where Micah is..I could feel the pain of him departing this plane as easily as I could feel the pang of hurt from you taking him." Damien sighed and moved further into the room, although he did not walk towards her, he stood near the window. "I know I am not easy to get a long with and you have every right to hate me for what I have done. I do not blame you for the loss of our son as I was the one to blame for not being there when you needed me and being so blind to the truth."

Damien's shoulders slumped with defeat as he stood there against the window. "I will help you, no matter which route you take from here. Just be honest and tell me what has happened." In her presence he was weak and it would take time for him to return to his former self but what he needed from her was honesty in what had happened and where she wanted to go from here at this stage in their relationship. So much had transpired since they first met and in his heart he believed he was not a man who deserved her love and attention, nor did she deserve him.

[Azrae Sevar]

It couldn’t have been easy for Damien to admit his faults, she knew him to be proud and stubborn just as she was. Her eyes followed his movements as he flowed with that inhuman grace towards the window. The thought of Micah made her bunch her hands into the comforter, tugging at it and disrupting its perfection; but she swallowed that pain because she had already been there and the last time she’d lost control she had nearly killed Romal with the pure agony of it all. “ I don’t know if he is gone or not, Damien. I feel that he is, but part of me wants to believe that what Plague said is true; that if I play along with his plans he can return our son to us.” Her voice cracked but knowing the tenuous grasp they each had on their control, she forced it down. Crying wasn’t going to get Micah back any faster than if she tried to keep a level head.

Her body was in motion before she realized she had even wanted to move to begin with, and she stepped closer to him but to the side. Standing beside him and looking upon his profile instead of at his back, this was something she needed to tell him face to face. If he wanted to strangle the life out of her afterward she wouldn’t blame him. She’d fucked up. “After the second time I left, we were recaptured by my maker. I awoke in Arcane without knowledge of who I was, the only name I knew was Micah. That’s where I met Plague, I killed in order to see Micah again; upon Plague’s orders. After I regained my memories I came back here. By then you were gone, everything I knew was gone. I…”

Both hands swept her hair back, letting out small hisses of electricity in rebellion at the friction. “I slept with Vaughan in order to try and forget you, but it’s hopeless. Useless, no matter what I do it still ends up being you I miss at the end of the day.” She smiled wryly, “it’s still your voice I want calling my name. And I know, I don’t deserve to get what I want for all I’ve done. That’s what makes it all fucked up.”

[Damien Sevar]

Plague? This man had their son? Damien had felt Micah's life slip from his soul many moons ago. It was not a pain easily feigned with magic. His eyes burned with fury that his wife had been played like a harp to do this mans wishes. The anger cracked what little hold he had on his control at hearing his, as much as he wanted to keep a calm even mind it had slipped through his fingers like sand. He remained looking outside, avoiding eye contact with the mother of his child while he grasped at the last thread of control he had. It took no time at all for that to lose as well for the moment she told him that she had given herself to Vaughan that last bit of strength he had to control his emotions had gone. Rage filled his body and he turned swiftly to face her.

His hands shot out to her wrists as they swept her dark hair back out of her face, the sparks snapping in the air as he did. His torso twisted and legs moved, pushing her back against the wall so that his chest was pinning her between him and the wall. "When I said I wanted honesty I did not expect to hear that you had been with another man. Is this what you want? You want to forget me? You will not forget and I will not forgive this easily. If you think that Plague will give our son back you are wrong. The child is dead - this man can not bring the dead back and you can not expect Micah to be the same as he was before being taken from us. What makes this fucked up is me believing in you." His words came out through clenched teeth as he stared into her eyes. "I will help if only it means you will see the truth to my words.."

[Azrae Sevar]

Anger was what she had wanted since she couldn’t stand the unnerving understanding and control, they had never been very good at that. But even as she received what she wished, she felt the hurt all over again. One second she was sweeping hair away from her face and the next she was pinned roughly up against the wall with Damien’s face very nears to hers, spewing with rightful anger, no sign of his previous control. It had snapped instantly, as she knew it would. “You wanted the truth Damien! I told you the truth; do you think I’m proud of what I did?”

She leaned forward, her eyes flashing angrily, hurt. “I don’t want to forget, I WANTED to, past tense. You were gone for a year! Even after I returned you were gone and after seeing the house, what was I supposed to think? After I found the ring in the remains, should I have taken that as a sign that you would eventually return?” Azrae struggled, but just barely under his grasp. She thought she felt the sting of bone grinding against bone, or maybe it was simply his hard grip that made her bones creak painfully. Did he realize she was human again?

“Would you have rather I lied? I was using him Damien! He was using me to forget Kenshu, there’s nothing there!” Swallowing back the venom she was about to spit into his wounds, she leaned back and sagged, “so again, all you want me for is to punish me for my mistakes. What’s it going to be this time, are you finally going to get a chain and lock me to this room? Break my legs so I can’t run again? You have things you did as well while I was gone, I dare you to deny them.”

[Damien Sevar]

His anger continued to flare as she spoke. "I thought you were done with me! What the hell was I supposed to do?!" he snarled at her, holding her right in that spot as he did not wish for her to go anywhere. No, she had wanted to run before, had the chance to not even speak with him. Instead she had chosen this path and now she would face the consequence. "I never gave myself to anyone while I was away.." He ground out at her blatant assumption that he had. "The only seduction that I used was to feed myself and you know damn well how and who I wished to feed from. Not a single person was welcome into my bed chambers. Not one." He made sure that his words sunk in for he had remained true to her even after he left.

"What is so fucked up about this is I do not wish to punish you. You have done enough torture to yourself to last the rest of your life. I do not need to add to that to your list of burdens. As I have said, you can do what you wish." He paused and looked at her hands and down her body. "Once I release you that is.." A smirk played at his lips but he would not let it pull any further. Eyes returning to capture hers once again.

[Azrae Sevar]

"Then what does it matter that it was a one night thing?! It shouldn't anger you!" But it did and she knew exactly why, because if the tables had been reversed then she would have been just as enraged. She had no defense against it and didn't want to defend against it because it would be justifying the mistake, she didn't want it to be okay. "You left me without a home, Damien. You didn't come looking for me, how could I hope you wanted me?"

Excitement and anticipation coursed through her at his look, it ignited a little flicker of hope and made her aware of the pain her wrists were suffering. "And if I want to stay, with you?" She'd put him here, put him on the spot and the edge. Azrae shifted uncomfortably. "I think you broke my wrist..."

[Damien Sevar]

"How would it not anger me? You have been my reason to exist, my reason to come back. I may have been able to tell when our son died but I could never see you fucking another man!" The rage burned further as he spoke the words out loud, not caring about his language. Being polite was something he was going to offer her at this moment. "You left and took our son with you. It was pretty damn obvious that you did not want me to follow." Finally he released her and moved away after she said her wrist may be broken. "It will be the only thing to properly heal after this is over." He growled, stalking away from her and over to the far wall.

Damien ran his fingers through his hair, tousling it to make him look crazy and angry. His body was tense as he began to take back the control that he had lost. Remaining ignorant at her obvious genetic changes. She was not the same woman he had left but he was too blind with pain and rage to see past that.

[Azrae Sevar]

The last bit stung but it was true, how could she say anything against it now that she had told him everything? The point was to come clean, yet she still flinched when he spat it out. When he released her she sagged against the wall and cradled her right hand against her chest, narrowing her eyes at him as he moved away. "You're my reason for coming back time and again, what would you have lost in giving chase just once anyway? Your pride? Did you think I would throw it in your face, how you 'chased' me?"

Oh no, she wasn't going to let him walk off again; not now and not ever. They were going to do this whether they liked it or not, that much she had promised herself. Advancing on him, she pushed him back against the wall; though in hindsight he could just move her out of the way and get out, regardless she was done running and was going to crowd him. "You're a liar and a hypocrite. You didn't have to seduce in order to feed, you enjoy the thrill of the hunt as much as I do. There are willing donors, humans kept in pens or on standby for your kind and you know it. You may not have given your flesh and body over, Damien, but you accepted theirs. How many did you offer pleasure to in exchange for blood, no matter how momentary?" Azrae's control was nowhere to be found, she was reaching for violence and rage.

"How many gave themselves to you?! Did you accept them?! You don't have to fuck someone to be disloyal and you know it." Her hand lashed out and grabbed onto his wrist, pressing up against him and forcing his gaze to meet hers. The touch of his skin was electrifying, dizzying and she wanted it more than anything else in this world; even if it was just to cause her harm. "You tried to tell me the very same thing once before and I didn't listen, I'm listening now."